Night Time Callers
by Therefore I Am A Pipsqueak
Summary: Tony gets a surprise visit from his niece.


Don't worry

The sound of sniffing had Tony slowing down, his feet dragging as he peered curiously into the lounge over the rim of his hot chocolate mug.

It wasn't coming from the lounge though. The soft light shining through the large windows revealed nothing besides the plain old boring white couches and wood panelled floor. Hmmmhh he'd need to ask Pepper if they could remodel again, the lounge was starting to bore him again.

Tilting his head to the side curiously as the sniffing continued Tony sighed, coming to a stop in front of the hallway cupboard with more than a little annoyance. Honestly if people wanted to steal from him couldn't they at least try to be quite about it, Pepper would never let him get away with using his suit on a thief if said thief sounded like a baby rat dying in the gutters. She's give him a whole lecture on being a bully or something like that.

Taking one final gulp from the cup in his hands Tony straightened, brushing some invisible dirt off his coat as he gently set the mug down on one of the nearby tables. Mentally practising what he was pretty sure was a scary face in his head Tony grasped the handle to the hallway cupboard, throwing it open with a loud bang and internally sniggering when whoever was inside screamed.

He laughed a total of three seconds more before he was suddenly flying backwards. Crashing heavily into the wall opposite the cupboard Tony groaned as he slid downwards, photo frames and those small glass dolls Pepper liked to collect raining down around him as he slammed butt first into the mantle.

"Are you insane?! Don't sneak up on-oh god Uncle Tony I'm sorry! Are you ok?" Lifting his head up from where it laid on his chest Tony blinked. Then blinked again. And a third time for good measure before he shook his head and once again went back to staring at the unruly mass of light chocolate curls and worried brown eyes that stared at him from amongst a pile of coats.

"Twinkle toes, what are you doing here?" Tony asked after a few minutes of silence, waving off his nieces hand with a grunt as he moved to pull himself up from the wreckage that had once been the hallway mantle.

"Hiding in the hallway cupboard, what does it look like" came the dry reply from Hermione as she leaned back on her heels, her worry for her uncle momentarily subsided as she watched him pick himself up off the floor. Tony shook his head a few times before he turned to face his niece, his smart ass comment dying on the tip of his tongue as he noticed her red rimmed eyes and obvious lack of control over mucus glands as snot dripped down and over her bottom lip.

Heh well that explained the sniffing then, she'd been crying…

Tony's eyes narrowed as the full intent of his thoughts hit him.

She'd been crying.

She as in Hermione. Hermione Jane Granger had been crying. **HIS **_niece_ had been crying.

As far as Tony knew she'd never cried! Not even when she'd been six and had accidently knocked her two front teeth out during an accident with one of his inventions. If he remembered right it had been her mother who'd been doing the crying that day, blabbing and sobbing about how her poor baby was going to be alright and about how she was going to sue his ass off and make it into a coat. He was quite sure that during all this all Hermione had done was poke at the bleeding flesh with a professional curiosity, giggling like the little maniac she had been.

But apparently his niece did cry, if the way the tears had left her eyes red and crusty, as well as the trails of liquid running down her cheeks were anything to go by…

Well aright then, who did he have to maim …

"Hermione what's wrong? Are you ok?" Crouching down to his nieces level Tony grabbed her forearms, tightening his grip slightly when she tried to pull away, her eyes widening in horror and her bottom lip once again beginning to tremble.

"N-Nothing's wrong. 'S not illegal to drop by and visit family now is it?" Hermione asked giving him a watery smile as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, not even bothering to put it back in place when it bounced back a few seconds later.

"At twelve o'clock at night it should be" Tony stated dryly, "Especially if that includes hiding in your uncle's closet and nearly giving him a heart attack! I'm fragile Miss Granger! One wrong move and that could have killed me! Then who would be responsible for catching mice for Pepper huh?"

Hermione just smiled in response.

Ok scratch that previous comment, who did he have to kill.

Joking aside Tony laid his hand on Hermione's shoulder "Hermione Jane Granger, what's wrong?" Tony repeated again, watching in morbid fascination as his niece desperately tried to stop her face from crumbling, a laugh so false that it would put Barbie to shame causing him to wince when she tried to bluff him off.

"Why would something be wrong? Nothing's wrong. Everything's fine. Tippety top" She stated cheerfully, bringing her knees up to her chest and burying her head underneath her arms as she used her hair to hide her face.

"Ok well one- hiding in my cupboard in the middle of night could be a start and two- you Hermione have always been and will probably always be a terrible liar. So I repeat Hermione what's wrong?" He held up his hand as she opened her mouth to say something, his eyes narrowing into a glare as he continued. "And I swear to God twinkle toes, if the next words out of your mouth are 'I just wanted to visit family' I will string you up by your ears and call your mother to find out what's happened."

As expected Hermione blanched at the idea, her face paling quite drastically as she realised that he was quite serious with his threat. Emma Stark-ne-Granger was a force to be reckoned with, especially when it came to her daughter. Well appearing to be quite calm and professional with just the right air of mystery (psychotic intent according to Hermione and Tony) Emma Granger was one of the nicest people you could ever meet. Until you got on her bad side. And get on her bad side Tony had, on more than one occasion when they'd been growing up. Mixing blue hair dye in her shampoo? Three weeks of mysterious bed wetting incidents and wet hands. Hiding her Mill's and Boon's at thirteen? Being chased and locked out of the house by a raging Emma with a samurai sword whenever he'd been trying to shower. Accidently losing his three year old niece at a science convention? Err well no one really liked to talk about that day. Tony just thanked whoever was up there that his niece had been able to set off a bunch of fire sparklers to draw their attention.

Watching as the weight of his words sank in Tony grinned, already knowing he'd won there little argument by the way her face was starting to tick. Now he could get to the crux of the matter….

His smile dropped quite suddenly as Hermione launched herself at him, a slight oomph of pain escaping his lips as the sobbing fourteen year old all but practically choked him to death with the way she was wrapping her arms around him. Her legs wound themselves around his waist and squeezed, making him let out a slight cough as she tried to force the air from his lungs.

He didn't make one word of complaint though, just hesitantly wrapped his arms around her shoulders and rested his chin against the top of her head as he let her sob it out. She'd tell him what was wrong eventually, obviously that first bout of crying hadn't been enough to get it out of her system. Ha and here Pepper was saying he had the emotional range of a teaspoon! He'd show her!

When the crying eventually subsides Tony pulls back, offering Hermione a smile that she hesitantly returns with one of her own. He tucks the unruly strand of chocolate behind her ear and this time it stays, albeit sticking in the other direction, but it stays none the less.

"Now are you going to tell me or do I have tickle it out of you?" Tony mock threatens, his face freezing as Hermione seems to fold into herself, her arms wrapping tightly around her legs as she makes herself comfy on his lap.

"You're going to say I'm being stupid" She muttered, causing Tony to snort.

"Think it whenever you tinker with my inventions and somehow make them better? Yes. Say it out loud to your face when you're in clear emotional distress? Ahh niece dearest, not even I am that stupid." She gave a roll of her eyes and poked him in the arm, grinning innocently when he gave a dramatic yell of anger. Her face changed suddenly though and she dived underneath her arms again, giving a muffled response that sounded a lot like. "emmmeerr mansjdzbiin moot bubbles"

"I'm sorry dear, didn't quite catch that"

Hermione lifted her head up with a long suffering sigh.

"I said I'm having boy troubles" she muttered, her cheeks burning an ugly splotchy kind of red that apparently every generation of Stark inherited. Except him of course. Tony blinked in response to her mutter, his mouth opening then closing before he closed it and cleared his throat.

"Wouldn't…umh wouldn't your mother be a better choice for this kind of conversation?" The look his niece gave him at that was definitely not one a multimillionaire genius such as himself got given often. It was one of his famous, 'well-aren't-you-the-brightest-of-the-white-crayons' look.

…And his sister said he'd never taught her anything besides how to build a bomb!

"Yes Uncle Tony, because if you visit your mom with an issue you clearly don't want to speak about she will leave that issue alone. Not that it's worked though" she finished the last part under her breath, scowling down at the floor.

Well she'd apparently picked up on his sarcasm feature as well. Damn.

"Err ummh alright so you're having boy trouble… What kind?"

Hermione groaned, "Do we really have to have this conversation?!"  
"If it's the cause of you hiding in my hallway cupboard in the middle of the night crying and dressed like you've just come from some fancy dress then yes. Yes we do" Tony stated determinedly, gesturing to the periwinkle dress she was wearing with a slight frown. "Please tell me someone didn't grope you with all that skin you're showing…" Tony muttered, looking her up and down disapprovingly as Hermione stared at him with a dropped jaw.

"UNCLE" Hermione yelled in annoyance, her horror turning to laughter when Tony gave a muttered "I can see you ankles for crying out loud". Tony grinned as he watched his niece shake her head fondly, her eyes softening and her head falling against his chest with a sigh.

"Why do boys have to be so difficult" She murmured, glancing up at him through her eyelashes as he hmmmhhd in response.

"Pepper says it has something to do with us having the emotional range of a teaspoon" Tony supplied helpfully, causing her to sigh and tuck herself deeper under her chin.

"That sounds just about right. For this boy anyway. His names Ronald Weasley and he's the biggest prat I've ever known. I mean just because he couldn't work up the nerve to ask me to the dance before anyone else, doesn't give him the right to bloody well throw a tantrum when I inform him that I'm going with someone else. And I told him as much, I mean he didn't need to be such an ass about it. And what did he do? WHAT DID HE DO? He told me I was, I kid you not, 'fraternising with the enemy'. The Enemy?! The funny thing though was that not two seconds before they found out who I was going with he all but practically worshipped the ground the guy walked on. Does that make any sense to you? One minute you're worshipping the ground he's walking on and the next he's the enemy. I mean I would get it if the bloody git liked me or something, but I know for a fact- got it on good authority too- that the idiot doesn't even think of me as a girl! Cause y'know it's not as if I'm a girl or anything. I mean how-HOW am I not a girl Uncle Tony?!"  
"Erhhh" For once in his life Tony followed the wiser root and kept his mouth firmly shut as he cautiously inched back from his raging niece, making sure there was nothing in throwing distance if she decided to take up target practise. Namely at his head.

Seemed the anger was just about setting in now.

"THAT wasn't even the worst of it though. Oh no. The idiot just had to go and try and pull the whole. 'I'm only trying to protect you because you don't know what's best for you'. 'He's too old Hermione, he's using you'. I wanted to slap him!"

Tony audibly winced at that. Some bloke had tried that on Emma once, and she'd nearly broken his collar bone before she'd finished with him. It was times like these, when he heard stories like this that he was exceptionally glad Hermione took after her father and not his sister. If she had she would have probably broken something and ruined his role as the scary cool uncle. Cause REALLY there was no cooler uncle then Iron Man.

"And Harry was no bloody help. He just stood there gaping at the two of us like some soap opera until him and Ron buggered upstairs. No 'Ignore Ron Hermione he's and idiot' or 'Gee Hermione you look lovely' just 'Girls they get scarier as they get older'"

She was shaking in anger now, her fists clenched tightly as she batted angrily at her eyes.

"I then stormed off after that and activated that Portal thing you gave me last Christmas"

"Ahhh so that's why you were hiding in cupboard and visiting your old uncle." Though his tone was mocking Hermione could hear the confusion in his voice, his genius mind probably racing at a mile a minute as he tried to figure out just how the hell she'd managed to get that little invention of his working. Though he'd argue she'd known perfectly well that when he'd given it to her last Christmas the' Portal device' had been nothing more than a glorified coffee cup holder. After a bit of tinkering from her though (with a combination of runes to ward it against magic) she'd managed to get it working a mere two months after having been given it. Not that she was going to tell him though, watching him mentally give himself a headache over something so simple was just too much fun.

Another moment of silence passes again before Hermione speaks.

"Well?"

Tony blinks as he's startled from his thoughts, blinking sluggishly as he looks at his niece's expectant face.

"Well what?"  
"Isn't this we're you give the whole, 'all boys are assholes and their only mean to you because they like you' spiel?" Hermione stated matter of factly. Tony snorted.

"Twinkle toes, whoever told you that has been feeding you the biggest amount of bullshit I've ever heard"

"it's how mom said dad and her first met. He pushed her into the pond at their primary school. Dad jokes it was love at first spit" Hermione mimed the action of spitting out water, her eyes going comically large as she pretended to flail around a duck pond. Tony just stared at her in horror.

"…Like I said the biggest amount of bullshit I've ever heard. You mom and dad were a special case, I don't think I even need to point out how special. But honestly Hermione, if you want my option, if he couldn't even work out the balls to ask you to a dance let alone resect your options and wishes concerning the matter then he really isn't worth it. If a man can't respect your choices and then treats you like dirt about them then he really isn't a man at all" Tony paused. "Your mom doesn't really call boys assholes though does she?"

"No Uncle Tony she doesn't. It's just you" Hermione laughed at her uncle's affronted expression before she reached up and placed a kiss on his cheek. "But thanks. And I really mean it. Even though it wasn't the most inspiring pep talk it helped. So thanks again" And with that said Hermione stood up, dusting the top of her skirt off. "Well then I need to be off. Don't want to give Lavender and Parvarti anymore material for the rumour mill" She muttered, helping her uncle to his feet and giving him one last hug before she disappeared into the hallway cupboard again and left in a flare of blue light.

As Tony put his mug in the sink he frowned, pulling his phone out his pocket as he unconsciously rubbed at the place his niece had kissed him on the cheek.

"Hey Thor? It's Tony. Now listen…about that favour you owed me…"

….

When Ronald Weasley was found a month after Hermione and Tony's conversation, with a broken nose and no memory besides a flash of gold and red, it was written off as a broom accident. Even though there was no sign of any broom and the redhead swore on his mother grave (not really creditable considering Mrs Weasley was still quite alive and healthy) that he hadn't been flying anything it was the only likely option. After all the very thought of a man flying around in a suit made of metal was absolutely ridiculous….

Harry did notice Hermione smiling a lot though whenever Ron brought up the subject.


End file.
